FIFA Peace Prize winner kicks off World Cup by bombing Iran's water supply

The greatest ever winner of the FIFA Peace Prize, Donald Trump, has kicked off the World Cup by bombing Iran’s water supply. This has left 20,000 civilians without water. Outrageously, the Iranians are repairing the damage far quicker than the US fixed lead pipes in Flint Michigan. This is clearly an Iranian war crime.

There were jubilant scenes in Washington as news rolled in that water storage tanks in the Bamani district were successfully hit by Tomahawk missiles. These supplied drinking water to Kuhestak town and about ten surrounding villages. It’s hoped the US can find a way to cut off their food supplies next and maybe blow up their hospital.

A US spokesperson explained that it was “outrageous that Iranians had tap water when people in Flint Michigan are still using water bottles”. It’s hard to disagree with that assessment.

The US attack came in revenge for the shooting down of an Apache helicopter by Israel. As this was an act of self-defence against an Israeli false flag, it doesn’t violate international law.

The US has confirmed that if Israel carries out any further false flags, Iran will be severely punished. Excitingly, Israel has hinted that it has more false flags up its sleeve to commemorate that time it blamed Egypt for napalming the USS Liberty. All I’m saying is that if I was aboard a US warship, I’d be feeling very nervous right now.

While the award-winning bombing campaign in the Middle East has kept ceasefire hopes alive, ICE agents have been doing their bit back home. Inspiringly, they have been rounding up footballers and referees who have suspiciously dark skin.

You will be pleased to know that as a result of this shocking behaviour, FIFA has banned Russia from participating in the World Cup. It has also mentioned something about Russia illegally bombing another country. That sort of behaviour is completely unacceptable, isn’t it? Fucking Russians.

Thank god for countries like the US and Israel who are prepared to stand up for international law and protect the people who matter.

If the US continues with its brave self-defence efforts, Trump may well become the first ever two-time winner of the FIFA Peace Prize. He’s already the first ever rapist to be awarded the prize. He just keeps breaking glass ceilings... with bombs.

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