Ghislaine Maxwell demonstrates remarkable ability to shapeshift

When Ghislaine Maxwell spoke at a recent hearing in the US, conspiracy theorists claimed it was not Ghislaine Maxwell, just because it looked nothing like her. The nose was broader, and so was the jawline, and the face was shorter, and she was about fifty pounds heavier, and I don’t wish to sound racist, but some said she looked like an Iranian lesbian in a bad wig and thick glasses. Others claimed she was Mike Myers, but Donald Trump furiously insisted he would never sleep with Mike Myers.

It didn’t help that the video of Ghislaine speaking was distant and out of sync, making it look like her voice was dubbed in. As you can imagine, the conspiracy theorists were having another field day. “That’s not Ghislaine!” they insisted. “Do you think we’re stupid? This is the fakest shit since Tyler Robinson’s Antifa bullets and ChatGPT love letter!”

Ghislaine’s fans were hurt by the speculation and suggested the establishment’s favourite child trafficker had rapidly aged, now that she is no longer drinking baby blood. They pointed to Pam Bondi being 60 years old as evidence of baby blood’s anti-aging properties. They demanded baby blood be brought to the mass market so everyone can reap the benefits. The speculation grew so strong that the president, who once recommended injecting bleach as a cure for Covid, issued a statement.

“I’ve tried baby blood and I look 100 years old,” Trump explained. No one could argue with his logic. This left Ghislaine’s supporters in disarray as conspiracy theorists yelled: “I fucking told you so!” Well, those conspiracy theorists have been silenced after Ghislaine settled the matter by demonstrating her ability to shapeshift.

We are told by the DOJ that in her prison cell, Ghislaine briefly revealed her natural form which is covered in scales. Sadly, the cameras were switched off at the time, but Pam Bondi said she saw it and she would never lie. Ghislaine definitely wasn’t busted out to the same tropical island that Jeffrey committed suicide to.

As you can see, this is the most credible explanation since they confirmed that Jeffrey attempted suicide in his cell, failed, freaked out, blamed his cell mate, changed his mind about blaming his cell mate, said he couldn’t remember what happened, asked to stay with his cell mate, was separated from his cell mate anyway, killed himself three weeks later while the cameras were turned off, and the hard drives were erased, and he was smuggled out of prison while they used blankets and cardboard boxes as a decoy to fool journalists, then admitted to using the decoy but insisted Epstein is dead anyway, only for a coroner to say that he did not hang himself and appeared to have been strangled, and then they revealed photos of the body, but they were missing his tattoo which we are now saying he removed shortly before going to prison.

The above story is every bit as legit as the claim about Ghislaine’s ability to shapeshift which is so advanced that she once looked exactly like the artist’s impression of a Madeleine McCann suspect. Ghislaine was understood to have developed this ability by praying to Ba’al, but we’re not supposed to talk about that part because our rulers are doing the same.

Just know that you are not allowed to upset Ba’al under any circumstances. The Iranians burnt effigies of our Great Lord and this is why we are going to war against them. One way or another, the mighty Ba’al will have his revenge.

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