Government announces major plan for reduction in disabled people
How else would we pay for bombs? Tax the rich?
In these bleak times, we need to take any positives we can. This is why I’m delighted to inform you the government is finally doing something about disabled people.
We’re seeing far too many of these scroungers around these days, aren’t we? They’re straining the NHS as badly as immigrants and something urgently needs to be done. Thankfully, the government has a plan, and you will be thrilled to hear that plan is totally inhumane. Yippee!
Shortly after his morning routine of bathing in human blood, Labour’s chief ghoul, Pat McFadden, met the press under an arched gate bearing the words “Work sets you free”. The Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster explained: “Labour is the party of work, not the party of benefits.”
McFadden boasted that Labour is going ahead with the deepest and most ruthless cuts to benefits in generations. Reassuringly, he clarified the cuts will extend to people with extreme disabilities because “fuck those scroungers”.
Truly, the vision of Keir Hardie was to strip the working class of the right to be sick or disabled and work them to death. The public supports a reduction in disabled people because they are unaware that disability can strike anyone, including them. All the fit-for-work assessments that were making people suicidal weren’t cruel enough so the system is about to get a whole lot crueller. This is fantastic news!
I can’t wait to tell my baby, who has a severe neurological condition, that he is, in fact, a scrounger. He needs to learn some responsibility, otherwise he will deserve a lifetime of poverty. Hopefully, his work coach will yell at him every day until he snaps out of the seizures. There is no excuse for laziness, and at last, we have our 12th consecutive neoliberal government that understands this.
Obviously, there are plenty of employment options for those with extreme disabilities, such as getting one of those Stephen Hawking speech thingies so they can work in a call centre, or being turned into a human battery like in The Matrix, just without the amazing VR to make you forget you’re a prisoner.
Those who can't find work could sit on a street corner with a begging bowl, like in the olden days before wokeness. Nobody is entitled to government handouts, apart from those who eat in the taxpayer-subsidised Westminster canteen…
Pat McFadden, who is receiving an inflation-busting pay rise, explained the benefits cuts will be deep enough to ensure that hunger pains are constant. The last thing a sick or disabled person needs is adequate nutrition.
Disgracefully, only one-in-five disabled people rely on foodbanks, meaning the rest are getting too much food. If we’re gonna be on wartime rations soon, we should not be wasting food on disabled people who refuse to pay their way.
Disabled people are whining they face an extra £975 a year in costs, due to the government’s expert management of the economy, so naturally, we are going to give them less money. Pat McFadden explained the government is not abandoning them because “they can get a fucking job or start a GoFundMe”.
Reassuringly, the government is removing the safeguards on assisted suicide, including the one that would prevent doctors from raising the subject with children. This means no one will be denied the option of escaping starvation… as long as they can afford the euthanasia fee. Yes, we’re privatising death, just like we privatised everything in life!
When austerity began in 2010, it killed about 250,000 of our citizens before we stopped counting to save the government from legal threats. We basically did a Gaza on our own people, and we’re about to do an even bigger democide because rich people don’t fancy paying taxes.
The government is making “tough choices”, such as picking on the most vulnerable members of society, instead of standing up to the rich and powerful. Obviously, it’s fairer to take food from a quadriplegic than take slightly more money from a billionaire. This is about priorities.
If we tax the people who would sacrifice you to save 12p, they might leave the country, and that would be terrible, wouldn’t it? What would we do without our evil sociopaths? Live with dignity?
Obviously, it’s better to stay poor and divided, so please yell at people in car parks that they “don’t look disabled” if they have a blue badge! Tell them they can’t use the disabled toilet if you see them walking unaided! I mean we’re inspecting genitals these days, why not police disability too? It will save rich people, I mean hard working tax payers, money, and that’s all that matters!
Just know the £6 billion we’re gonna save can go to good causes, such as bomb making. If you oppose disability benefits cuts, you must love Putin, you traitor! Get ready for conscription because you must always be willing to die for our wonderful system that doesn’t give a fuck about you! Have you noticed how death is our solution to everything these days? x
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I am in the US but back in 2012 I had a doctor refuse to sign disability forms for me because I was “too young and pretty” to be disabled (I was in my early 40s and had been working 25 years already so idk) and “How can you be disabled when even Steven Hawking worked?” That made me laugh in his face. I asked him if he thought I had the same brain and skills as Steven Hawking. He ignored my question. I got a new doctor.
A great article and so sadly realistic.