Israel hugely concerned that ceasefire could lead to outbreak of peace in the Middle East

Benjamin Netanyahu has strongly objected to the “double-sided” ceasefire that the US has agreed with Iran. The Israeli prime minister said that expecting both sides to halt military operations represents a dangerous departure from his preferred model: the famous one-sided ceasefire.

In a traditional ceasefire, the other side agrees to stop firing while Israel retains the right to bomb until the enemy runs out of schools, hospitals, and other luxuries, such as food. Double-sided ceasefires risk the possibility that peace might accidentally break out on multiple fronts. Good luck trying to push ahead with the Greater Israel project during regional stability. Such circumstances might even require Israel to declare its borders.

When the double-sided ceasefire was announced, screams could be heard coming from luxury bunkers beneath Tel Aviv. The fury stemmed from the fact Israel was excluded from peace talks that were mediated by Pakistan—a national humiliation. A White House official explained that leaving Israel out of talks was “the only way to stop them from killing the Iranian negotiators.”

The US desperately needed a deal because its ground and air operations failed—and even the biggest warmongers were growing uneasy about escalation. Trump had threatened to send Iran “back to the stone age” until lawyers advised him that wiping out “an entire civilisation” might lead to one or two legal issues. Trump was going to push ahead anyway, but his own military said: “Sorry, we don’t fancy being liberators anymore”.

Suddenly, Trump found himself agreeing to Tehran’s ten-point plan that included lifting sanctions, paying compensation, and allowing Iran to charge tolls in the Strait of Hormuz. The proposals that Trump felt were so unacceptable, he had to go on a month-long bombing rampage, seemed a lot more palatable, once he realised that all of his Gulf military bases were gone.

Obviously, Trump is a skilled negotiator and he gained a lot from the deal, such as, um… a two-week pause, and some helpful traffic management in the Strait. Trump boasted that America had met or exceeded all military objectives, while Netanyahu announced that Iran no longer poses an existential threat to Israel. This means the search is now on for the next existential threat, hopefully in Turkey. Every Muslim country needs to get its share of liberation bombs at some point.

The only winner from the ceasefire seems to be Iran because Israel is now fighting the war it started alone. It either has to come up with a convincing false flag, or take such a pounding that other nations feel sorry for it and come to its rescue. Neither option seems likely, but it hasn’t occurred to Israel that it could just stop bombing everyone in sight.

I’m not sure you understand the Israeli psyche, but the IDF finds an apartment building in Beirut as irresistible as Trump finds a 13-year-old on Epstein island. They just can’t stop themselves, like an alcoholic who keeps drinking throughout late stage cirrhosis, knowing it could kill them.

Within hours of the ceasefire, IDF bomb-aholics launched what they called their largest coordinated strike on Lebanon in the current conflict. Over 100 targets were hit in just ten minutes, killing at least 250 and wounding more than 1,000. They didn’t even bother to give evacuation orders because they wanted to maximise casualties. People in Lebanon are calling the attack their 9/11.

In a joint clarification, Trump and Netanyahu confirmed the ceasefire “does not include Lebanon,” but Pakistan’s Prime Minister insisted the deal explicitly covers “a ceasefire everywhere, including Lebanon.” Clearly, Pakistan is being unfair because you can’t just leave Israel with no one to bomb.

Disappointingly, Prime Minister Starmer walked into an antisemitism storm after suggesting the ceasefire really should apply to Lebanon. He is expected to offer his resignation soon. The BBC was more cautious, opening its Lebanon coverage with the words “Israel says…” and reading out an Israeli government press release, just to be on the safe side.

Everyone’s biggest fear now is that Iran might launch an unprovoked retaliation, but at least this would give Trump the excuse to escalate. In his latest Truth Social post, the president again hinted at nukes if the Strait of Hormuz is not reopened, but don’t worry, the BBC assures us that ordinary Iranians are happy for their country to become an irradiated wasteland. So happy, in fact, they would build a Trump statue in the centre of the crater where Tehran used to be.

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