Landlord chancellor generously gives tax break to landlords

This was an incredibly altruistic move

If you're one of the millions of people struggling to pay your food and energy bills, you will be thrilled to hear Jeremy Hunt has announced a tax break for your landlord. I have no doubt this bold move will help the Tories claw back the 36 points they need to win the next general election.

The chancellor, who happens to own seven buy-to-let properties, understands the needs of the ordinary person better than most. This is why he holds bidding wars on his flats (that he lets for up to £2,000 a month) and increased the rent on one of his properties by 18% - twice the rate of inflation at the time.

The wonderful thing about capitalism is it rewards hard work by allowing rich people to take out loans so they can build a £3.57 million property empire and sit back as the hard work of others pays for those loans. In case you didn’t know, freedom is when you are forced to buy a rich person a property empire so you don’t become destitute.

Fortunately, Jeremy is a decent sort and he can see the injustice in a system that makes people like him pay too much tax, so he’s rectified that to make society that little bit fairer.

Everyone desperately wanted a tax cut so Hunt introduced a cut to capital gains tax which will benefit everyone who owns capital and no one else. Hunt explained that cutting capital gains tax by 4% will increase tax revenues, and if you don’t understand that, it’s because you don’t understand economics.

What’s brilliant about capital gains is you do nothing to earn that money, but you pay significantly less than you would from the equivalent in income tax. This means the people who do the hard work are penalised and the lazy sods who are a drain on society are rewarded for their gumption (rich parents). If you’re poor, it’s because you do too much hard work and have too little gumption.

You will be delighted to hear Hunt’s property empire is bringing the multimillionaire an extra £150k a year on top of his £159k salary at a time when he’s demanding “wage restraint” to help him control inflation. In case you didn’t know, Jeremy can only control inflation if he is making lots of money and you aren’t.

You will be pleased to hear the government that couldn’t make the country work on current tax revenues is confident it can make things worse with lower tax revenues (that will totally be higher). This is why it’s introducing National Insurance cuts, with 46% of savings benefitting the richest 20% of households and only 3% benefitting the poorest 20%. It was either that or turn poor people into animal feed and personally, I think they’ve made the wrong choice.

Sensibly, the budget will make newly-qualified nurses £4.81 a month worse off to punish them for not voting Tory. If the economy was crying out for one thing, it was definitely a pay cut for nurses who are depending on food banks.

The chancellor, who blocked a pay rise for junior doctors, argued in parliament that growth can only come from a high-wage economy, but he reiterated he doesn’t want a high-wage economy and rich people clapped. Hunt kindly explained poverty has gone down at a time when it’s actually risen to 14.4 million people, which is almost the population of the Netherlands! Just remember this is not the government’s fault, it’s all the fault of refugees who are sleeping in tents x

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