Norman Tebbit has been reunited with his close friend Margaret Thatcher… in Hell
It's okay, they've privatised the furnaces
In heart warming news, Norman Tebbit has been reunited with his close friend Margaret Thatcher… in Hell. Tebbit reached the ripe old age of 94 before Satan finally claimed him because the evil ones almost always last the longest.
Tebbit was widely regarded as being critical to Margaret Thatcher’s success, and as such was adored by billionaire sociopaths who want to mercilessly exploit their workers. He was a kind-hearted and thoughtful man who accused those of Asian descent of not being truly British because they didn’t cheer for the England cricket team. Presumably, he never saw those from Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland as British either, because looking down on the colonies is the English way.
As a minister in Thatcher’s government during the 1980s, Tebbit was tasked with the job of curbing union power and crushing workers, especially in the north. He was widely celebrated by bastards for his steadfast refusal to compromise with the people he was elected to represent.
Tebbit played an important role in fucking over the working class, leaving millions unemployed, and creating a forgotten generation of kids known as “millennials”. For some inexplicable reason, those millennials grew up to hate capitalism. I don’t think I will ever figure out why.
All of the finest bastards such as David Cameron, Iain Goebbels-Smith, and Kemi Badenoch have paid tribute to the man whose evil they have strived to emulate. A teary David Cameron said: “He was a role model and I tried so hard to fill his shoes, but sadly, the closest I got was having sex with a pig and losing a Brexit referendum.” Don’t worry, David, those things are good too.
The enduring legacy of Tebbit and Thatcher is a broken housing market, privatised services, sky-high bills, rip-off landlords, poverty wages, foodbanks, the abolition of workers’ rights, the largest rich-poor divide in history, and general all round misery. Even the winners in today’s society are miserable, they’re just smart enough to direct their frustrations at their victims, rather than themselves. Tis the neoliberal way.
You can imagine Tebbit’s excitement when he discovered the furnaces in Hell have been privatised and he has to pay rent on his torture chamber. Sadly, there is no money in Hell, but the rent can be paid in screams. Eternal and inescapable suffering is a small price to pay to please Hell’s insatiable elite. Tebbit is finally living the dream that he had for others. Isn’t it lovely? x
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"fucking over the working class": UK Mouthy Maggie and US Regressed Ronnie-the-Demented were such a good tag-team at this endeavor. Or was it Maggie and her colleague Nancy Reagan in the actual day-to-day collaboration (we'll never know). And not only did they privatize postmortem services in Hades, but every other bloody service available to anyone with limited means. Only the good die young. Only the sociopaths can afford to go on and on in a world of nonstop fees-for-service.
Let’s hope the bastard has to ride a burning bike through hell, with Thatcher clinging to his spiney back, claws dug in deep!