President Trump "saddened" by the loss of his favourite Brit, child killer Ian Huntley
President Trump has sent his condolences to the family of Soham killer Ian Huntley, following his untimely death at the age of 52. As a fellow child killer, the president had a strong affinity with his “favourite Brit” and had visited him several times in prison.
Touchingly, Trump has promised to blow up an Iranian school in Huntley’s honour. He urged Keir Starmer to give him a state funeral, but the prime minister is concerned about the optics of such a move and is planning a compromise “ceremonial funeral” to avoid upsetting either side. Starmer is expected to stay away from the funeral and send Pat McFadden in his place in case there is a media backlash. You never know which way the media will go on these things.
The woke mob considers Huntley to be one of the most evil killers in the UK’s history because he lured two girls with sweets and horrifically murdered them back in 2002. However, this sort of behaviour counts as a qualification in the Trump administration where ritual child sacrifices to Ba’al are a job requirement.
I understand Trump had inquired about the possibility of pardoning Huntley along with Ghislaine Maxwell, but a weary aide explained he doesn’t have the power to pardon our criminals. Trump was then talked out of bombing Westminster because the US doesn’t have the resources to fight three wars at once.
Trump called it a “massive injustice” that Huntley was behind bars, despite doing nothing the US president hasn’t done hundreds of times over. He lamented that he was unable to switch the prison cameras off and switch Huntley for a lookalike before the fatal attack.
Trump explained: “If Huntley was American, I would have probably made him Vice President. I’m sure he would have fit in well at Epstein Island, unlike JD Vance who is a bit of an embarrassment”. Ordinary Brits responded that in our country, we bludgeon child killers until they are left in a vegetative state and their life support has to be switched off. The president took that as a personal threat and is staying away from his Scottish golf resorts, just in case.
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Dark take on a dark yet well-deserved punishment for a darkly horrifying crime.
It's really a shame that Trump doesn't read, well, anything really.
This is probably making it clearer to Trump that he needs to crown himself King of England. After he does that, and renames a few things (Trump Palace, Trump Abbey, Big Don…), maybe we Americans will be blamed less for our “stupidity” in “electing” him. The Revolution won’t happen until the People realize they haven’t had power for a very long time.