Shipping lanes matter more than child amputees in Gaza

We totally have our priorities in order

As homeless children scream in terror every time an Israeli drone flies over Gaza, the sensible people on Twitter, who have not once objected to genocide, have highlighted the real humanitarian crisis of the conflict: shipping lanes in the Red Sea. Obviously, shipping lanes are where we should focus 100% of our energy now. The other stuff is minor by comparison.

The Genocide Convention states that when genocide is taking place, it’s imperative that other states ensure trade is not inconvenienced. If trade is inconvenienced, military action is justified to ensure the continuation of genocide.

In case you’re unclear what I’m banging on about, Yemen has blockaded Israel and is making impossible demands like: “Your boats could always take another route” and “We will stop this blockade the moment your genocide ends.”

At a press conference for Lockheed Martin, the US president insisted: “A ceasefire would be unthinkable!” and the UK prime minister said: “Don’t look at me, I just do as I’m told”.

When Cuba heard the US has officially come out against blockades, every Cuban yelled: “Thank god for that! Better late than never!” but President Blinken told them to “Shut the fuck up or you’ll be next!”

The human consequences of the Red Sea blockade have so far been catastrophic. I’ve been hearing harrowing tales from people whose deliveries have been slightly delayed by the crisis.

One distraught neoliberal told me: “I’ve been waiting six weeks for my cheap dildo from China. I don’t even like Netanyahu, but if Yemen continues its antics, I will totally support the genocide in Gaza!”

My only question is why aren’t you supporting it now? Honestly, some people only find their principles when they are personally inconvenienced. This is why I identify as a neoconservative and not a neoliberal. I don’t need to be personally inconvenienced to hate people. I just need to be paid lots of money by my employer - the British state.

The countries that would never do blockades, such as Israel and the US, are horrified that Yemen would attack boats en route to Israel in the same manner that Israel attacks Turkish aid boats en route to Gaza. There are few crimes against humanity as grave as emulating Israel in order to inconvenience Israel.

Did you know the Red Sea is so-called because it’s red with the blood of zero sailors that have been killed in Yemen's vicious attacks? The unimaginable civilian death toll of the blockade is definitely the thing in the region that warrants military intervention. I can’t imagine there is anywhere nearby where tens of thousands more civilians are dying.

I’m sure you will agree bombing the world's poorest country is a better solution to the Red Sea crisis than calling a ceasefire. Diplomacy would be unthinkable because we would lose our reputation as fearsome school yard bullies. Anyone calling for diplomacy must be a terrorist supporter because peace is violence against the profits of arms manufacturers.

Clearly, it’s necessary to launch guided missiles to end a blockade as long as that blockade is not against Gaza or Cuba. No one is allowed to stop those blockades, but when blockades are done by brown people to stop blockades against brown people, that’s the moment we send our warships. Remember, it only counts as terrorism when they do it x

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