Sir Keir Starmer calls Nigel Farage "dangerous" for having exactly the same policies as him

Only Labour is allowed far-right policies...

Sir Keir Starmer’s strategy since taking charge of the UK seven months ago (it feels longer, doesn’t it?), has been so brilliant that Labour is flag-shagging behind Reform in the polls. Labour is somehow flopping with voters, despite refusing to tax the rich and making the poor pay for their crimes.

Labour has kindly offered nothing in terms of wealth redistribution and imitated the far right at every turn, but surprisingly, this has not worked out for a party that was founded to reclaim the means of production for the working class.

Back in the early 1900s, politicians involved the working class in economic discussions, these days they only mention the working class when pretending they’re all racists. It’s their way of saying “we have common ground with you plebs, but we still want you to be poor forever!”

When Starmer’s team say “Labour is back to being the party of the working class”, they mean collective hatred rather than worker solidarity. Inexplicably, this approach has caused Starmer’s approval ratings to fall off a cliff, so his new strategy is to say the politics he has embraced are “dangerous” while continuing to embrace them. Grownup politics is when you pretend your fascist leanings are “centrism”.

At the Scottish Labour conference in Glasgow, Starmer made a speech that I admirably half-transcribed before falling asleep, in which he warned of Farage’s “dangerous right-wing politics”. Obviously, Starmer could not explain what was “dangerous” about Farage’s right-wing politics because policy-wise, the men are exactly the same.

Farage’s strategy is simply to attack Starmer for failing to successfully implement policies neither man could make happen because they're totally unworkable! The politics of scapegoating is easy because you never have to come up with meaningful ideas, you just endlessly shift the blame and call your divisiveness “common sense”.

Since taking office, Starmer has worked tirelessly to not improve the country, breaking every manifesto promise, taking austerity further with Rachel Reeves’ “fiscal rules”, helping destroy Gaza, telling parliament he doesn’t think Palestinians count as refugees, sending counter-terrorism police to terrorise anyone who disagrees with him, and deciding to send our troops into World War III without consulting the military, prompting the SAS to threaten to go on strike, and all the while, impoverishing the disabled, freezing pensioners, and kindly offering assisted dying as a way out…

Are you tired of being a burden on hardworking billionaires? Has your quadriplegia made you too lazy to find a job? Have you considered euthanasia to help improve your country? Fulfil your patriotic duty today and remove yourself from the benefits bill forever! If our brave men can throw themselves into trenches, it’s the very least you can do!

That was a sneak preview of Labour’s next party political broadcast by the way. It’s hoped this messaging will steer those they don’t cull away from the “dangerous” politics of Farage and keep them under the warm and comforting blanket of centrism. If Farage somehow becomes prime minister after all of this, just remember to blame Corbyn for Starmer’s failures x

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