South Africa thinks it knows a thing about apartheid and genocide for some reason

I can't understand why South Africa would object to these things...

In one of the greatest outrages in history, South Africa has filed evidence against Israel at the International Court of Justice, accusing the world’s apartheid state of genocide. Just because South Africans were once victims of genocide and apartheid, they’ve decided they know something about these things. I can only assume South Africans are motivated by racism so I’m calling for boycotts, divestment and sanctions against South Africa. I’m pretty sure this is an original idea.

In times like these, it’s the role of every credible journalist to defend the country accused of a plausible genocide. We wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of history, would we?

Back in December 2023, South Africa submitted 84 pages of evidence against Israel in its initial court application. Shockingly, the ICJ ruled that a “plausible genocide” was taking place and ordered Israel to stop defending itself against schools and hospitals. Thankfully, Israel said “no” because some of those hospitals were still functioning and who knows what was going on beneath them?

I’m confident that defying the world’s highest court will work in Israel’s favour, but the genocide case is expected to be a close-run thing. Reassuringly, international law doesn’t apply to Israel in the same way it applies to brown (bad) countries. This means the prosecution must gather far more evidence, but will be told off for gathering too much evidence.

South Africa was gathering so much evidence that it was ordered to stop because there was too much to examine. South Africa was only able to gather 800 pages of evidence and an additional 5,000 pages of annexes, detailing the genocidal acts that never took place. Clearly, this is the most well-documented fake genocide in history.

As every Zionist has pointed out, this can’t be a genocide because there is no evidence that we would accept. Everything you watched live-streamed on social media was Pallywood or something. Those kids without arms were crisis actors. The bodies at the roadside were mannequins covered in strawberry jam. The demolished buildings were movie props. The distraught parents couldn’t have been real because Palestinians don’t feel human emotion. I honestly don’t know how anyone could fall for this fakery.

Personally, I would kick South Africa out of the UN, but people are talking about kicking Israel out of the UN, just because it declared UNRWA a terrorist organisation, putting the aid agency in the same category as ISIS.

It’s hard to tell the difference between UNRWA and ISIS these days because ISIS brutally murders people with the goal of establishing an Islamic state. This is nothing like Israel’s approach of brutally murdering people to establish a greater Israel, but it is everything like UNRWA’s approach of giving people food and medicine. UNRWA left Israel with no choice but to stop all food and medicine getting into Gaza. What do you mean, this is exactly what you would do if you were committing genocide?

Itamar Ben Gvir might have said he wants to ethnically cleanse Palestinians and build settlements on their land, but if you take issue with that, I would like to present to you the Bible. It was the Bible that promised Itamar he could have his genocide. If you don’t want Itamar to have his genocide, you are insulting the Bible. I can’t imagine a bigger hate crime.

What the hell do you mean, I’m all over the place? When I said “genocide” I didn’t mean genocide. Honestly, I feel sad about the deaths of Palestinians in the same way I would feel sad about the deaths of parakeets… who objected to living under an illegal occupation. Parakeets like that would have to be culled, wouldn’t they? Weirdly, there is no legal precedent to compare humans to militant parakeets and personally, I find that ridiculous.

Worryingly, South Africa wants to hold Israel’s genocidal intent against it, meaning hate crimes now count as “evidence”.

Just because Israel tells us it wants to kill Palestinians who then get exploded by mysterious rockets, it doesn’t mean Israel fired those rockets… That was a convincing line, right? No? … Okay, those were stray Hamas rockets or something. Um, hold on… THERE WAS GOLD UNDER THAT FUCKING HOSPITAL! Shit, wrong country… Leave me alone, I’m going for a cigarette!

Okay, I’m back now with a rock solid argument that I borrowed from someone on Twitter. Nowhere in South Africa’s evidence did they condemn Hamas for October 7th so the ICJ has to throw out the case. South Africa didn’t even mention that a girl on Big Brother had a watermelon on her t-shirt, that’s real genocide. You will never see an Israeli with a watermelon on a t-shirt, will you?

Anyways, none of South Africa’s evidence matters because the ICJ can’t imprison people, only the ICC can. Israel has sensibly been intimidating ICC judges and relying on the fact you’re stupid so it gets away with it. If due process is not likely to go Israel’s way, the best strategy is to undermine it, as every mafia boss would agree.

I have been reliably informed that South Africa’s behaviour will not go unpunished. Excitingly, I’m told the US is planning one of those regime changes that always work out so well. South Africa is going to be targeted the moment Lebanon and Iran are taken care of, and given we couldn’t finish off Gaza after a year, that should be happening any minute now, I think… All I can say is it serves South Africans right for choosing the wrong government. Who the hell do these people think they are? Georgians? x

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