America is the only country on earth that might be even more normal than the UK and today it is having one of its most normal days ever because the rapture has arrived.
I am willing to undergo all the horrors of the Apocalypse and Armageddon itself if it means we’re well and truly rid of Christian zionists, evangelical whack-a-doos, and fundamentalist haters of all stripes. Bring it, baby! Bring it on!
I don't know if that's a viable project on your part, Karthy. Think of the complications! "Habeus Corpus" and all that is going to be a bit of a problem for you. Of, as they say in the King's English: “Produce the Body."
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I mean, once all the rapturites have ascended bodily into the Heavens, how is the problem of succession going to be dealt with without a body to put in a casket? No corpus, no evidence of death. Would video evidence of your grandmama ascending to the Heavens like a helium balloon be construed as adequate evidence of decedence for the reading of a will and inheritance of property?
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Or do the rapturites still retain ownership of their property on earth after transportation to the Heavens? Also, presumably all the casket makers will be put out of business, because there will be no further opportunities for resurrection and heavenly transportation. We may all just have to switch to cremation and green burial from now on.
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On the other hand, there might be a viable business opportunity in the years ahead for a canny entrepreneur – if the rapture does not actually take place in the next 24 hours, that is. Kathy, you could start a line of consulting work helping pre-rapturites with estate planning for their forthcoming rapture.
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For instance, you could do a line with drone video surveillance to monitor pre-rapturites for their ever-possible moment of departure, to be sure to get their departure on record for the lawyers who will need to establish post-rapture succession. Really, the possibilities are endless.
Good point, Ronald Reed. Could the Rapturites receive rents from the Left-Behinders for their left-behind rental properties? Can they spend the money in heaven. Do they re-invest in Earthal properties instead.
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Kathy, take note: another good business opportunity to consider.
I’m reminding my evangelical neighbors to leave me all their access codes (house and bank) such that my heathen ass can feed their pets once they’re gone.
I’ve witnessed their pets engaging in some pretty disgusting acts with other non-evangelical pets in the neighborhood. Even consorting with a coyote in one instance.
I was over forty the first I ever heard of the rapture. I could not believe ANYONE could believe THAT. Then I moved to Tennessee in my sixties. Christ on a bike!?!
Sloths, ah? Well, that explains why Jehovah's Witnesses have been so active lately. Busy-bee writing letters and circling around the neighborhood like vultures. Blood donors of all countries unite to repel this cult of death. Luckily Jeshua has a good sense of humor. While a brilliant journalist here is another proof of the existence of God.
A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Greetings, Anthony from an undisclosed location. I gather I am the only human rights activist who watches the UN assembly address right now being disciplined and such. Happy to report they lost me on Erdoğan. He is not getting enough attention so his speech went over a socially acceptable time. Fun fact "poor little Turkey" is responsible for Armenian genocide when my people were busy at the frontlines of World War I.
Anyways, good vibes all around, I do have booby traps along the perimeter just in case Jehovah wandering souls feel risky. They don't call 911 in my part of the world.
The rest is no laughing matter - the ass joke was provided by Catholic nun - which Christmas cards I intend to keep for eternity - before it became in Vogue.
Johnny Rodriguez, Can you please provide the name of the resourceful publisher who put together that creative publishing campaign about the nun's ass for their local newspaper? I want to hire them to promotote my Substack newsletter.
I remember reading that in the Vatican newspaper. It's been a while though. I think the Nun decided to get her ass back and sell it to someone else. That was the head line that read NUN HAS DECIDED HER ASS IS NO LONGER TO BE WILD AND FREE, HER ASS IS FOR SALE FOR $50.
God Bless you, I was about to go down the memory line of dark reddit internet to find out the origin of the print since the Convent does not pick up the phone.
Flash news update: after extensive debate in the notes - don't ask, I won't tell - we have moved to lawyers jokes which are truly ass jokes. Just in case we are not out of the woods yet and need something to talk about for the second day of rapture.
Most that I've met recently have suffered some sort of comatose event in their lives. One place I recently went to kicked me out for giving people copies of "The Citizens Rule Book' to four people The pastor, the assistant pastor a deacon and a man on the security detail. Guess what is in it? A COPY OF THE US CONSTITUTION, THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, THE BILL OF RIGHTS and section on the POWER OF THE JURY! Yeah, you read that right. This was in a message that was sent to me by Email from the PASTOR!!...
All we need to know about how to behave as citizens of the US is in the Bible, dontcha know. (after we explain to you what the words of Jesus really mean).
I don't know about the evidence about Paine, but I do suspect that Jefferson read a lot of what Paine wrote and if anything did glean a lot of his understandings from Common Sense or The Rights of Man.
Oh absolutely, nothing screams “most normal day ever” like inflatable rapture decoys, TikTok prophets, and Donald Trump phoning pastors as if heaven has a hotline. If this is the end of days, at least it’s got top-tier slapstick energy. Fuck Trump and everything he stands for!
Horrifyingly, the quote is very true about committing atrocities: these people seriously believe that it's fine to support the genocides, because all the "good people" will escape them in the rapture.
But wait, what about Armageddon? We’ve got our Charlie martyr now, but we’ve got to have the big finale, so pray, pray as never before! Oh God, help the Israelis start THE WAR!
I am willing to undergo all the horrors of the Apocalypse and Armageddon itself if it means we’re well and truly rid of Christian zionists, evangelical whack-a-doos, and fundamentalist haters of all stripes. Bring it, baby! Bring it on!
I am right with you! Need any ammo?
Praise the Lord and pass the ammo! It’s my family motto!
I wish I knew one of these idiots so I can ask to be in their will.
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I don't know if that's a viable project on your part, Karthy. Think of the complications! "Habeus Corpus" and all that is going to be a bit of a problem for you. Of, as they say in the King's English: “Produce the Body."
.
I mean, once all the rapturites have ascended bodily into the Heavens, how is the problem of succession going to be dealt with without a body to put in a casket? No corpus, no evidence of death. Would video evidence of your grandmama ascending to the Heavens like a helium balloon be construed as adequate evidence of decedence for the reading of a will and inheritance of property?
.
Or do the rapturites still retain ownership of their property on earth after transportation to the Heavens? Also, presumably all the casket makers will be put out of business, because there will be no further opportunities for resurrection and heavenly transportation. We may all just have to switch to cremation and green burial from now on.
.
On the other hand, there might be a viable business opportunity in the years ahead for a canny entrepreneur – if the rapture does not actually take place in the next 24 hours, that is. Kathy, you could start a line of consulting work helping pre-rapturites with estate planning for their forthcoming rapture.
.
For instance, you could do a line with drone video surveillance to monitor pre-rapturites for their ever-possible moment of departure, to be sure to get their departure on record for the lawyers who will need to establish post-rapture succession. Really, the possibilities are endless.
.
“Or do the rapturites still retain ownership of their property on earth after transportation to the Heavens?” The Ultimate absentee landlords…
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Good point, Ronald Reed. Could the Rapturites receive rents from the Left-Behinders for their left-behind rental properties? Can they spend the money in heaven. Do they re-invest in Earthal properties instead.
.
Kathy, take note: another good business opportunity to consider.
.
At least we can be sure that all the lawyers will still be here.
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Rebel Nun, the aftermatth of the Rapture will take a lot of sorting out. The lawyers should be pretty busy.
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Seems VERY unlikely TO ME!!! Many of them...SURELY--would be found "in the Other Place!!!"
They are too busy in their "churches" singing "I'll Fly Away".
Do you need to be in the will if they are “gone home” or first come first serve.
I’m reminding my evangelical neighbors to leave me all their access codes (house and bank) such that my heathen ass can feed their pets once they’re gone.
Pet Food ain’t free, after all.
I’ve witnessed their pets engaging in some pretty disgusting acts with other non-evangelical pets in the neighborhood. Even consorting with a coyote in one instance.
Those fuckers aren’t going anywhere.
Well...their pets get to go with them so don't you worry about it too much!
I was over forty the first I ever heard of the rapture. I could not believe ANYONE could believe THAT. Then I moved to Tennessee in my sixties. Christ on a bike!?!
You & me, Penelope. Or...Christ on a Crutch!!! ; )
Sloths, ah? Well, that explains why Jehovah's Witnesses have been so active lately. Busy-bee writing letters and circling around the neighborhood like vultures. Blood donors of all countries unite to repel this cult of death. Luckily Jeshua has a good sense of humor. While a brilliant journalist here is another proof of the existence of God.
A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get
rid of the donkey.
The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day.
Brilliant, I actually laughed ........😅
Greetings from Hamburg
your Anthony
Greetings, Anthony from an undisclosed location. I gather I am the only human rights activist who watches the UN assembly address right now being disciplined and such. Happy to report they lost me on Erdoğan. He is not getting enough attention so his speech went over a socially acceptable time. Fun fact "poor little Turkey" is responsible for Armenian genocide when my people were busy at the frontlines of World War I.
Anyways, good vibes all around, I do have booby traps along the perimeter just in case Jehovah wandering souls feel risky. They don't call 911 in my part of the world.
The rest is no laughing matter - the ass joke was provided by Catholic nun - which Christmas cards I intend to keep for eternity - before it became in Vogue.
Dammit, my stomach is so sore from all the rolling around laughter 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
.
Johnny Rodriguez, Can you please provide the name of the resourceful publisher who put together that creative publishing campaign about the nun's ass for their local newspaper? I want to hire them to promotote my Substack newsletter.
.
That was truly funny, brought tears to my eyes and sore ribs I laughed so hard.🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I remember reading that in the Vatican newspaper. It's been a while though. I think the Nun decided to get her ass back and sell it to someone else. That was the head line that read NUN HAS DECIDED HER ASS IS NO LONGER TO BE WILD AND FREE, HER ASS IS FOR SALE FOR $50.
God Bless you, I was about to go down the memory line of dark reddit internet to find out the origin of the print since the Convent does not pick up the phone.
Flash news update: after extensive debate in the notes - don't ask, I won't tell - we have moved to lawyers jokes which are truly ass jokes. Just in case we are not out of the woods yet and need something to talk about for the second day of rapture.
Lord grant that they all be 'Ruptured' instead. What a bunch of dangerous psychos these fundamentalists are!
Most that I've met recently have suffered some sort of comatose event in their lives. One place I recently went to kicked me out for giving people copies of "The Citizens Rule Book' to four people The pastor, the assistant pastor a deacon and a man on the security detail. Guess what is in it? A COPY OF THE US CONSTITUTION, THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE, THE BILL OF RIGHTS and section on the POWER OF THE JURY! Yeah, you read that right. This was in a message that was sent to me by Email from the PASTOR!!...
.𝑰𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒖t 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒎𝒑𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒕, 𝒃𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒔, 𝒄𝒐𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒍, 𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒕 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒓 𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒔𝒅𝒐𝒎 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒃𝒋𝒆𝒄𝒕, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒏𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒖𝒔.
All we need to know about how to behave as citizens of the US is in the Bible, dontcha know. (after we explain to you what the words of Jesus really mean).
Good for YOU, Lion!!! Hey, did you know that there's good evidence that Tom Paine was the main author of the "Declaration?"
I don't know about the evidence about Paine, but I do suspect that Jefferson read a lot of what Paine wrote and if anything did glean a lot of his understandings from Common Sense or The Rights of Man.
I thought they copied it from the indigenous people -- after they killed them, of course.
Bahaha! Good one 😂
Oh absolutely, nothing screams “most normal day ever” like inflatable rapture decoys, TikTok prophets, and Donald Trump phoning pastors as if heaven has a hotline. If this is the end of days, at least it’s got top-tier slapstick energy. Fuck Trump and everything he stands for!
All of this theological manure should make for excellent crop fertilizer.
The Boomer-Doomer evangelicals are planning a gala celebration the day before the Rapture with the Rolling Stones and The Grateful Dead.
They'll be singing "When The Satanists Go Marching In".
ROTFLMAO!
I hope The Dead wouldn't associate with these folk. However this would be a good soundtrack for the coming rapture 👍🏼
https://youtu.be/nuev-dzohTk?si=h4yJAeiH_B4nrODC
Jesus is coming!
And boy, is he pissed.
The Rapture ffs.
Utter maniacs.
Imagine trying to explain that to young kids, from their 'loved ones' as well. It's a form of abuse, mental cruelty.
Pity it couldn't occur but just to those who desire it.
"Those who make you believe absurdities..."
Horrifyingly, the quote is very true about committing atrocities: these people seriously believe that it's fine to support the genocides, because all the "good people" will escape them in the rapture.
Aye, it'd be hilarious if it wasn't so deeply, deeply, disturbing.
Laura YOU are the hammer and the psychovangelicals are the nails.
Keep on hittin’ ‘em Sistah!
But wait, what about Armageddon? We’ve got our Charlie martyr now, but we’ve got to have the big finale, so pray, pray as never before! Oh God, help the Israelis start THE WAR!
Hopefully God will ignore THAT prayer!
Too late...
I haven't seen this myself, but I heard about a guy whose appendix was raptured.
Bring in the rapture as soon as possible please!🙏
Hilarious!