UN report accuses Israel of "genocide" just because it has admitted to genocidal actions

This is totally unreasonable

A UN report has caused outrage by suggesting “Israel’s warfare in Gaza is consistent with the characteristics of genocide”. The report’s authors had the audacity to present accurate information about “mass civilian casualties and life-threatening conditions intentionally imposed on Palestinians”. If it’s not a crime to tell the truth about Israel, it definitely should be, so can I be the first to call for sanctions on the report's authors? It’s what a civilised country would do.

Weirdly, the report used the cleverest aspects of Israel’s gameplan against it, pointing out: “Israeli officials have publicly supported policies that strip Palestinians of the very necessities required to sustain life”. It added: “These statements along with the systematic and unlawful interference of humanitarian aid make clear Israel’s intent to instrumentalise life-saving supplies for political and military gains.”

Honestly, I’m unclear what the problem is here. Do these people really think Palestinians are human? Good grief!

You would think that would be enough whining, but the report goes on about the destruction of water, sanitation systems, and agriculture, all things intended to make Gaza unliveable. I’m told this is one of the characteristics of “genocide”.

Boringly, the report mentions the targeting of journalists, but in the west, we don’t consider anyone who tells the truth about Israel to be a journalist, so fuck them, we’re gonna pretend they never existed. This is because western journalists have professional ethics, and if we behave ourselves, we won’t be next.

One of the most disturbing points in the report was that social media companies have disproportionately removed pro-Palestinian content versus content that glorifies violence against Palestinians. The implication is that social media companies should not be supporting genocide and tech CEOs could be complicit like Radio Rwanda. Personally, I would be devastated if Zuckerberg was sent to the Hague, he’s my favourite robot.

Apparently, Israel has dropped two nuclear bombs worth of explosives on Gaza, but it would be bad if Iran got a nuke because they might use it on humans. As you can see, Iran is the real problem here, but the UN doesn’t see it this way. I’m just praying Israel’s blackmailing of the ICC can continue because this is turning into an almighty mess.

The report details how Israeli drones have deliberately killed civilians, and how Israel’s victims are overwhelmingly women and children. A doctor has testified to these facts in the British parliament, but the prime minister was thankfully unmoved. Starmer knows all about genocide because he once pretended to be a human rights lawyer.

Our great ruler has contempt for anyone who criticises Israel because he is “well aware of the definition of genocide”, and as an accomplice to one, he must cover his back. Personally, I’m hoping Starmer gets away with this because if he goes down, I’m going down with him. No one has done more to promote Israel’s genocide than me.

I just don’t understand why the Genocide Convention didn’t make the Israeli exemption rule explicit. Unwritten rules were always likely to be problematic once do-gooder lawyers got involved.

Fortunately, the clever people at the Heritage Foundation have a solution: they plan to pretend a global Hamas network is spreading lies about Israel. Anyone who criticises Israel, including the UN, will be considered part of that network and therefore a terrorist. We can then sanction such individuals and arrest them if they set foot on our soil. Plus, we can send the anti-genocide weirdos on social media to jail. Isn’t that clever?

This approach is a lot simpler than the current approach of blackmailing judges and making false allegations against them, like we did with Karim Khan KC. We no longer have to make false allegations because anyone who thinks it’s wrong to massacre Palestinians will legally be a terrorist. If you think bombing civilians is wrong, you are basically ISIS x

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